Katie (eilonwy77) wrote,

I finished my first long beta project. It was for rawks and you can see it here:


It's very smutty and hot and funny and fun. It's A/M/G, which I didn't think I would like, but I did. I guess once I start breaking through all my squeamish reactions to sex, which I've done a lot since starting the whole reading fanfic hobby, it's easier to enjoy new things that younger me would have balked at.

Betaing was fun for a couple reasons.

1. I got to know a lot more about the author and have all sorts of fun conversations and become friends. That was lovely.

2. I got to consult my best friend Google all the time. I have an unreasonable love of finding out answers to questions. And grammar can be such nerdy fun. It also taught me some things to remember for writing in the future.

3. I read a great story that I might not have read otherwise, thinking that perhaps it wasn't my thing.

The only downside was that it enabled me to procrastinate my own writing. I do love to procrastinate writing.

Why would that be, if I say that I like writing and want to do it? I can think of one major reason, and it is just the attack of the critical editor voice that says that it all sucks. Actually, there's a new offshoot to the critical editor voice, a wicked stepchild of sorts. I've been trying to write more of what I would fantasize about, and the voice likes to tell me bad things about that, that it's wrong somehow, or too indulgent; that it won't make for a good story; that readers would complain that it was done just for emotional manipulation or some such thing. (Just the fact that I will admit to this in writing is a good step forwards.)

What are ways I try to trick myself into writing and not feeling the pain of the editor voice?

1. Try to write fast and say it is supposed to be a crappy first draft.

2. Bribe myself, e.g, let myself chat if I finish 1000 words the day before.

3. This was new today: instead of writing out the actual scene, I'm writing all about it, and giving myself permission to think right in the draft. It's actually doing a great job of helping me enjoy just finding out what is going to happen without the critical voice. And there is enough detail that it won't be hard to rewrite it as actual narrative. Hopefully!

Since I can procrastinate horribly by planning, I'm thinking I would need 2k words a day when doing this, because there's a lot of thinking and it's not actual text. But it is working better than when I just plan randomly outside of the structure of the text. The scenes are labeled in their own separate scrivener file, and I can write as much about it as I want, and then jump to a different one….

Well, that's my new experiment. I did it some in the past, but that time I felt more confident of how things were going to go, so it wasn't as needed.

I've also been mentioning characters or places or whatever, and then just saying in parentheses “insert description here”. I'm pretty bad with including it the first time through, and actually writing the note tells the critical editor voice to fuck off, essentially, because it'll come later and I am not forgetting it and I do not suck, thank you very much.

Perhaps I do, but the critical editor voice doesn't get to tell me that!

I'm kind of impressed by people who can write a story chapter by chapter and post as they go. I kind of have to work on the whole thing at the same time. Something gets added to the middle or end, and all the rest of it has to change to accommodate.

Anyway, writing this constitutes procrastination. So here I go! I think I'm running out of time to get that story done. Yikes!

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Tags: betaing, critical voice, thinking about writing
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