I've been trying to meet people online, and it's fun but also anxiety-producing. I think I'll say something wrong, or intrude, or who knows what, and then feel yucky about it.
There are lots of writing activities with deadlines. I never realized how in love with deadlines I am. If I didn't have a deadline, I'd never write anything, because I'd spend all my time thinking about how badly it sucked. But by committing to something I'm free to tell myself that I have to do it, and I should just suck it up and move on.
I don't remember feeling this uncertain when I was trying to make LEGO friends. But I had so much success so early that it bolstered my confidence, probably. Though after awhile I'd worry about living up to my reputation, or about being repetitive, or what have you.
I tried writing something uncomfortable today. With almost-sex and bad words and stuff. I'm kind of pleased, but also think that I don't know enough about that stuff to do a good job of it. And there's still the tiny voice in my head that says "this is wrong! Don't do it!" But I want to. So take that, sanctimonious voice in my head.
I'm surprised by all the anxiety. Huh. I guess that's what happens when I stop hiding out as a voracious fanfic-worm. I wonder if I should do something about it. I'll give it some time. New things turn into old comfortable things sooner or later.
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